The passage from Mark’s Gospel was about casting out demons. The conversation bounced around as we talked about modern understandings of physical and mental illnesses, and then we settled on what it feels like to be controlled by an external force. One man described the powerlessness he felt when he was on drugs–wanting to resist, but helpless to act. Then he related what a friend had told him in a Narcotics Anonymous meeting: “Don’t think you are cursed. We are the chosen ones. It’s because of our dependencies that we know we have to depend on God.”
Wow! Talk about Resurrection thinking! The very thing that was killing you is the door to life. Only when you give up the pride of doing it yourself can you receive the gift that is always a gift and never achieved.
I commented later that it was good to be in this group because so many men participated in the discussion. One man replied, “It’s because we’re so thirsty for the Word.” And so they are.
After our Bible study, we go around the circle to allow each man to share any prayer concerns. One man said that important decisions would be made this week about permanent custody of his children. He asked us to pray for God’s will to be done, and he wanted us to pray that if the decision went against his hopes, his heart would not be hardened.
A simple prayer, but so different from the usual list of demands we make of God: heal this illness, get me this job, find me a parking place (close to the mall entrance).
But this man’s attitude is not uncommon in the group. Parole hearings are a regular occurrence, and as an individual’s date approaches, a frequent prayer request is “to accept God’s will.” To paraphrase what I have heard over and over: “Lord, if you send me home, I’m ready to go. But if you want me here, help me to see what you want me to learn before I leave.”
Can I trust God that much?
The lesson was on the temptation in the wilderness. We talked about prayer, scripture and Christian community as tools to help us resist temptation. One young man told how angry he got when he was disrespected by those in authority. That was when Christian community became real. The other men began to share how they had survived similar situations. An older gentleman reminded us that “This is between you and Jesus–it doesn’t matter what other people say or do to you. You listen to Him!” Others shared ways they had gained understanding and techniques to overcome feelings of anger.
When we shared prayer concerns, the young man asked for forgiveness for judging others’ intentions. The group’s response was a gentle, understanding laughter, because we all recognized how this man had come full circle, and he had done it by opening up to his Christian brothers. That’s Church!
The story from the Bible was Jesus’ baptism. We read the words that God spoke to Jesus: “You are my beloved son. With you I am well pleased.” I asked, “Has anyone ever said that to you?”
What followed in our circle of 14 was more than breath-taking, it was breath(spirit)-giving. Stories were shared—stories of abuse and brokenness. One after another told of never hearing words of affirmation or blessing. Regrets were named—of failing to offer their own children what was most needed. Then one man pulled out a letter he carried in his pocket. He said he had been wondering whether to send it to his kids. He asked another man to read the words he had carefully printed—words of love, seeking forgiveness and praying for hope. The group confirmed his desire to send the letter, and they shared their own hopes that they might have another chance.
Maybe, just maybe, the cycle can be broken. One man risks rejection by speaking words of love, hoping that the past can be forgiven, but fearing the reality of lost opportunities. I wish I could reassure him that his kids would forgive and understand, but I know how hard it is.
But there was a Presence in that group of men. They encouraged and loved one another. What they experienced there doesn’t depend on what anyone else does or is capable of doing. They bled with one another and they felt the mystery of healing. God is good.
MONDAY NIGHT AT THE PRISON
Every Monday some men from the church visit the local prison and facilitate a Bible study and prayer time for about a dozen men. Last Monday, one man came late. He was in shackles–hands and feet–and accompanied by a female correctional officer. When he was seated, the CO remained standing outside our circle and closer to the door. Although Bible study is one of the few times the men can be away from observation, a guard always stays with a prisoner on restriction.
After a couple of minutes, one of the men got up, walked to the back of the auditorium where we meet, and brought a chair for the CO. Nothing was said as the discussion continued, but it was a powerful statement. Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount that when a Roman guard compels a follower of Jesus to go with him one mile, he should go with him two.
It is easy to be nice to those who are nice to us. At Christmas, we “exchange gifts” with those we like. But Christians are invited to go the second mile and love the unlovable.
Who is standing outside your circle?
